How Much I Feel
by flashpenguin
Summary: Dave Rossi gets a call from the third ex-Mrs Rossi. What is her agenda and how will it affect Dave? Especially when she holds the ace that could change both their lives? Inspired by Ambrosia's song "How Much I Feel". COMPLETE!


_I wish my brain would shut off! But alas, it had other things to do. While listening to a song by Ambrosia, I was caught by the lyrics of being falsely accused of cheating, being kicked to the curb, and then meeting up with an ex AFTER finding your soul mate. So, I got to thinking, what if that happened to Dave? What if wife number 3 decided to show up with an agenda and a fantasy? How would Dave react? Especially when she was holding on to a secret that could change both their lives?_

_I don't own Criminal Minds. But that doesn't stop me from being madly, head over heels for Dave Rossi._

**That's How Much I Feel**

Dave Rossi had only looked back twice in life. Scratch that…three times, but since this one was out of his control, he wondered if it really counted. Well, they did say that the third time was the charm and maybe once this chapter was closed, all the memories of the past would stop tapping him on the shoulder. He had a new life; he didn't have time to worry over 'what ifs'.

She had _called_ him at work. How she found out he had gone back to the FBI, he could only guess. Maybe she had seen him on TV. Maybe someone in the family had slipped up and let the cat out of the bag. Damned if he knew. No use worrying about it now.

Sitting alone at the table, stirring his coffee, Dave lay down his spoon and took a sip. Despite the sugar and cream, the brew was still bitter. Or it could be that it reflected his mood at the moment?

When he received her call, he was tempted to hang up. He had said all he needed to when they last parted. Actually, he didn't say anything because she was so angry that her words came out in one long stream leaving him unable to get a word in edgewise.

Dave had long given up trying to decipher what she had screamed as she threw things into suitcases and carry-ons. But one callous remark did manage to translate: _"You sanctimonious bastard; you always did have a flair for the dramatic. I hope you rot in hell!"_

Good insults were like a fine wine -they just got better over time. But that one had cut him to the core.

He knew the things he had done wrong in his first two marriages: affairs, lying, broken promises, abandonment… But the third time around, he was smarter, wiser, and more determined to make it work. And it was heaven. She stood behind him and supported him and loved him…until the nightmares started again.

He had thought that once he was away from the BAU, life would go back to normal. But it didn't. Then he thought that once he started writing everything down, life would go back to normal. But it didn't. Getting married for a third time almost returned life to normal, but not quite.

Adding more sugar, Dave took another sip. Nope, still bitter. He put the cup down and sighed. It was for sure that three times was never going to be the charm for Dave Rossi!

Why he had agreed to meet her, he would never know. Maybe it was morbid curiosity on his part to find out what she had been up to for the past eight years. Especially after his lawyer had contacted him to say that the alimony payments were going to cease now that she had married again. Dave had breathed a sigh of relief. So he closed that door. Nailed it shut. Even bolted the hinges and welded them shut. So how the hell had she gotten in?

_Snap out of it Dave,_ he chastised himself. _She cut you out of her life; you no longer have an obligation to her._

But…

After hanging up the phone, he had gone into Hotch's office. Aaron had known that something was wrong once his friend and partner stepped inside. He had only seen Dave go completely white once in his life, so whatever had transpired, it could not be good.

Rushing over, he helped Dave over to a chair. It had taken a few minutes, but the story came out about how Dave had gotten a call from _her_. And to top it off, she wanted to meet.

Aaron could only offer advice from his point of view and suggested that if Dave wanted the day off, he could leave early.

So, that's what he did. Walking past the curious looks of his team, Dave kept his eyes downward as the elevator doors closed. Some how he had managed to walk to his car in the underground garage, but he had no recollection of driving to the café in downtown DC.

Now here he was, in what used to be 'their' café. Looking around, he noticed that other than the employees, nothing much had changed in the past eight years. He didn't know what she wanted, but he was going to be ready for her; he arrived ahead of schedule, got a table out on the patio, and ordered her a strawberry daiquiri. He thought it was the least he could do.

She arrived promptly on time, as was her signature, and breezed into the room, looking around until she spotted him. Rushing over, she barely waited for Dave to stand up as she threw her arms around him.

For a second, Dave recalled the wonderful feeling of being held in her arms after one of their love-making sessions. Then reality set in. Between her tight vise like grip and her nauseatingly sweet perfume, he tried to break away.

Coughing violently, he turned his head away as she pulled back.

"David, are you alright?" her voice actually contained concern.

Dave tried to get his breath. Sitting down, he took a sip of his coffee. _Damn, it was still bitter!_

Snapping her fingers with the air of a queen, she demanded a glass of ice water be brought over ASAP! Her tone had gone from concern to authority. The waiter quickly responded and placed a tall glass in front of Dave.

Choking out a thanks, Dave took a couple of sips. That seemed to help. Grabbing the serviette, he dabbed at the tears in his eyes and then the corners of his mouth.

"That will be all," she dismissed the witer and turned to her ex-husband. "So David, how have you been?"

"Hello Caroline. I was doing alright until a couple seconds ago. Still wearing the same perfume: Musky Oriental?"

Caroline's eyes brightened. "You remember!"

"As if I could forget." Another sip to clear his throat completely, Dave looked at his ex. He took in her coiffed blonde hair under the designer black hat and the black suit with white piping. Her make-up was perfect, as was her manicure.

"I see you still go in to get your nails done once a week."

Caroline tapped her rose colored nails on the table top. "Of course, dear; some things don't change just because you get a divorce."

"I heard about being set in your ways, but eight years?"

Her laughter rang out like a bell. "Oh David, I meant my divorce from Armstrong."

Dave tried not to appear surprised. So, that was his name: Armstrong. _Armstrong? She left him for a guy whose name was synonymous with floor vinyl?_

"Sorry to hear about your divorce. Last word I got, you were happy and traveling the social circuit on yachts and planes and going to parties in Monaco."

She waved him off. "You can only jet-set for so long, then you want to settle down."

"Let me guess: his choice to settle down?"

Caroline smiled. "Actually it was me who wanted to settle down."

He gave her a wry look. "Really? I recall you wanting to keep moving." Sipping the coffee, it seemed bitterer than before. And now it was cold. Swallowing hard, he tried to keep focus on her. "So when did the fairy tale end?"

"About a year ago." Caroline sighed. "At least I got a sizable portion of his inheritance."

"After only seven years? Did you have the same lawyer as Heather McCartney?" Dave thanked his lucky stars for the lawyer he hired during their divorce.

"No. He was busy somewhere else at the time." She took a long sip of her drink thru the courtesy straw. The effect it had on Dave didn't go unnoticed. "See Armstrong made me sign a pre-nup, but he forgot to read the fine print. It stated that should he have an affair, half of his wealth would go to me."

Dave's eye brows shot up. _Damn! That's what he forgot: a prenuptial! Good thing he would never have use for one again._

"So, who was it?" he asked, not that he cared, but he had to find out the reason behind her call.

"Some debutante bitch from Connecticut."

_Karma?_ "Out of curiosity what is Armstrong's last name?" Not that he really cared, but what could it hurt to know his rival's last name?

"Bennington. Maybe you heard of him: his family owns a plastics factory in Missouri and Canada. They supply the windows for the big trucks that haul iron ore in Australia."

Dave winced. Whether Caroline had intended to or not, she had swiped at his profession and let him know that he might be a best selling author, but he would never be dignified and high class. She hadn't just moved on, but she had moved up. And she had left him behind.

Dave chose his words wisely. "So, why did you want to see me? I can't believe you called out of the blue just to tell me that you got a divorce and now have wealth beyond your imagination."

She clicked her tongue. "Oh Dave. I wanted to see you again. And see how you were doing. We parted on such bad terms that I wanted to make sure that there were no hard feelings."

"If I remember correctly, the only bad term we ended on was your cutting remark of wanting me to rot in hell."

"That was wrong of me. Can you forgive me?"

"Can you tell me why it ended so badly? I wasn't in the FBI, my writing was taking off, money was good…we seemed so good."

"It was your preoccupation with writing and that last case."

His gut said otherwise. "Perhaps, but that wasn't what ended it. You know that I would have moved heaven and earth to make you happy." _And I would have_, he thought wryly.

"But you didn't."

"You wouldn't let me; y_ou_ stopped talking to _me_. I couldn't read your mind. Toward the end, every time I got near you, you pulled away as though I was contaminated."

"You were," Caroline confessed. Dave looked at her in surprise and disbelief. "I know about the affair." He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. "It's okay. I understand and I forgive you."

Dave's hands shook as he raised the water glass to his lips and took a long drink. His world had just been knocked off its axis and he was more than stunned: he was discombobulated.

"Affair?" he croaked out. "Where did you hear that?"

Caroline debated revealing her source…for about a second. "I got a call from Meredith Jasper. Seems she was in Seattle about the time of your book signing and was staying at the same hotel."

"Meredith? Why the hell would she care about me?" Dave felt his anger rise. After all these years, he was finally feeling something, but had he directed his anger at the wrong person?

"She didn't mean to spy, but she'd seen you get off the elevator with a red-head and you were -what was it she said? You were both 'feeling each other up' and then you ducked into your room."

Dave couldn't have been more shocked if Caroline had told her the Cubs had finally won a World Series.

"Caroline…I-" Dave licked his lips. _Where was his salvation when he needed it? Had he been forsaken after all this time?_

Caroline reached forward and covered his hand with hers. "It's okay. I understand. You'd been on the road and all men have their urges. I just wish you'd come to me instead of letting Meredith getting to me first."

A sip of bitter coffee. A sip of lukewarm water. And a dab at his forehead which was now sweating profusely.

"Is that why you wanted to see me? To clear the air?"

"Yes. Well...partly. I've missed you. I miss how we used to laugh and the way you used to look at me when we made love. I miss the good times."

_Oh boy!_

"Tell me you haven't missed me."

"Well…" _Double oh boy!_

Leaning over the table top, Caroline grasped Dave's free hand with both of hers and held on tight. "Give me a second chance. I promise this time I will be there for you. I'll stand behind your dreams." Her eyes filled with genuine tears. "I have enough money that if you want to give up the FBI and writing, we can go anywhere and start over."

Dave took a deep breath. Laying the serviette down, he laid his free hand over hers. "Caroline, I have a confession: there was no affair."

It took a couple of seconds for the words to sink in. "No affair? What do you mean? Meredith saw you."

"Meredith saw my book editor. The woman he was with was his wife."

"Are you serious?" she asked incredulously. Dave watched her face carefully. Although her voice contained surprise, her eyes had doubt.

"Afraid so. I'd flown out of Seattle to get in early to Atlanta. I gave Patrick my room so it wouldn't go to waste." _If you had decided to join me instead of going shopping with your friends, you would have known!_ Dave shouted silently.

Caroline's hands flew to her mouth. "Oh my god! I've been so stupid! All this time I hated you for breaking our vows."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Dave asked. Slowly a weight was lifted from his chest. He could almost catch his breath.

"I had no reason to doubt Meredith."

"But you were ready to doubt me on the assumption of a...twit?" It hurt to ask, but he had to know. If he was to move on with life, he needed to know that it wasn't his fault.

"It wasn't as though you had a pristine reputation before I married you. How could I believe that you'd given up skirt chasing just because you married me?"

"Because I loved you. Or have you forgotten?" Dave didn't try to keep the anger out of his tone.

Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a silk hankie. "David, I have been such a fool! Can you ever forgive me?"

_Here come the tears_, Dave thought, as another weight was gone. There was a chance he might survive after all.

"Is it too late to ask for a second chance?" Caroline wept. Dave was flummoxed; he wanted to say no, but the part that still loved her despite it all begged to give her a yes. "I promise to never doubt you again. And if I have a problem to go to you directly. I'm so lonely. I lost you and then Armstrong."

Was the sun suddenly brighter? Dave could swear it was now that the blinders were off. He had been vindicated. Although he had known all along he had done nothing wrong.

"You didn't lose me, Caroline, you tossed me aside and then you kicked me when I was down. Do you know that you nearly destroyed me? That I couldn't look at a woman…much less touch one for a long time after you nearly castrated me?" Dave hadn't meant to be so cruel, but she had hurt him deeply, badly. Nearly ten years of anger, shame, and resentment came to the surface. Dave was tired of hiding it; it was time to let it all out.

"I had to go back to the FBI to find myself after you stole my identity. It took a while, but I solved that last case -the one that haunted me. I am with a wonderful team who doesn't pass judgment. And I somehow found Dave Rossi again. He was pretty battered, but he survived."

"I'm so happy for you." Caroline wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "So, do you ever think of me?"

Dave paused. He didn't want to fuel her fantasies, but he wanted to be honest. "Sometimes. I admit that I was haunted by your face and voice for a long time. And every time I smelled your perfume, I looked for you." He watched her smile. "Actually it made my stomach roil."

"Okay, I can wear something else. What do you have in mind?"

"Vanilla sandalwood."

Caroline furrowed her brow. "I suppose...if that is what makes you happy, I can handle it."

"But you know what? Your perfume doesn't upset my stomach any more." It didn't as another weight lifted. "And I don't plan on giving up the FBI or my writing."

"Anything," Caroline quickly agreed.

"I spend my days off in the woods in a cabin and hunt. I have a dog...a truck and a dozen rifles. I won't part with any of them."

Caroline swallowed hard. "A dog? And hunting? I guess if you want to be a barbarian, it's the least I can allow since I treated you so horribly."

"I still don't do fancy parties unless the director of the FBI requests my presence at the White House."

"Okay. All of this I can handle, but I'm a little confused; you haven't answered my question: Can we get back together? Can we have what we had before I threw it all away?"

Dave watched her eyes and he felt his heart strings tug. What they had had at the beginning had been good. Even wonderful. But he had moved on. He was through with memories and ghosts.

A figure walked thru the café door and made their way over. Dave's eyes brightened as he stood. Caroline watched his reaction.

"Is that a yes?" she asked, apprehension laced her tone.

Before Dave could answer, Emily walked over. "There you are! Hotch told me you had an unexpected visitor in town."

"Hi Tesoro," Dave greeted and kissed Emily with an unexplainable hunger. Breaking away, he felt Caroline's eyes on him.

"Emily Prentiss, I want you to meet Caroline Bennington."

Emily shook Caroline's hand. "Nice to meet you. Bennington… You aren't related to Armstrong Bennington are you?"

"You know him?"

"Not personally. My mother, Ambassador Prentiss knows the family quite well. And my father has plenty of stock in Bennington Industries."

"So you're Ambassador Prentiss's daughter? My how you've grown. How do you know David?"

"We met at the FBI."

"Oh?" Caroline tried to sound excited so the pesky girl would go away and let her finish the visit with Dave. Her eyes watch closely and anger rose as Em put her arm around her ex's waist.

"I have a confession. Dave might be a world class profiler, but he still has one little fault: he keeps introducing me as Emily Prentiss or SSA Emily Prentiss." Em chuckled. "So, I always have to correct him. My actual name is Emily Prentiss Rossi."

Before Caroline could recover to speak, a noise caught her ear. Realizing that the satchel strung over Emily's shoulders and chest was moving, she looked at Em then Dave.

Reaching into the deep pocket, Dave extracted a small figure. Giggling, and happy, the baby let out a laugh at seeing Dave. Turning her around, he made sure Caroline got a good look.

"Caroline, I want you to meet Claire Marie Elizabeth Rossi. My daughter."

"Your daughter?" Caroline's world started spinning as she took in the brown eyed, black curly haired baby girl. "And this is your...wife?"

Dave ignored her and focused on Em. "What made you come all the way out here?"

"Dave Rossi, have you forgotten Claire's photo session at three?"

"Oops! I did."

Em smiled lovingly. "I forgive you. You had a guest in town. I can reschedule."

"No. Go to the car; I'll be there in a few minutes. Okay?" Dave promised and kissed Claire before handing her back. Then he delivered another possessive kiss on Emily's mouth.

Caroline didn't miss the love shining from Em's eyes as she walked away with the baby.

"You're married?" Caroline's voice croaked.

"Two years in June. Claire will be a year old in October."

"I didn't know."

Dave shrugged. "Why would you? We haven't spoken in years."

"David…I…I was such a fool."

"Yes you were."

"Tell me what to do? What can I do?"

"Nothing. You vindicated me. There is nothing else but for me to say good-bye and wish you luck."

"David-" Caroline started. Dave waved her silent and grabbed his coffee cup -he hated wasting coffee. Downing it, he was surprised to find it sweet -actually it was too sweet.

Finished, he wiped his hand across his mouth. "Ah, now that hit the spot!" Setting the cup down, he gave Caroline a look over.

"It was good to see you again Caroline. Sorry to run off, but Claire needs me." Neither a kiss nor hand shake did Dave deliver before he ran off to catch up with his family.

From a distance, he watched Em buckle the baby in. Walking over, he made sure to let his presence be known lest he be shot. But she sensed him.

"So that was the ex Mrs. Rossi. Which one?" No anger, just curiosity.

"Third."

"Ah. She was surprised to see us."

"You surprised us before I could tell her. How did you know?"

"Hotch called and filled me in."

"I was going to tell you."

Em snapped the buckle, closed the door, and turned to face Dave. "I'm not angry; I wasn't even going to go down that road. I trust you."

Dave let out a huge sigh of relief. He reached to stroke Em's cheek. "How did I get so lucky?"

"Because you deserved a break. Tell you what, since you have the day off, why don't I take Claire to her session, and then drop her off at my mother's for the weekend so you and I can have some quiet time?"

"Emily Rossi, you always know the right thing to say to make me feel better."

"Only because you know how to reciprocate."

Dave kissed her quickly. "Take Claire while I get things ready. See you at home."

"Dave, I love you."

"I love you too."

Em walked to the driver's side and opened the door. She stopped and watched Dave cross the parking lot. Then she shook her head. There was no way he had a spring in his step.

But Dave Rossi did. Forget the third time; the fourth time was the charm. And it felt good.

It felt damn good!


End file.
